Good lord if I could have had the most annoying encounter in my life time, I had to have had it on my last trip to NYC. In the past, my trips have been solo and I typically don't venture into gay clubs, but this time I was accompanied by my boyfriend, and we wanted to hit up a couple of spots.
*Side note* never wear Tom's with a newbie to NYC. lol We walked from Hell's Kitchen to the 9/11 Memorial...#36blocks
Tired, but still ready to experience the night, we decided on three places:
The 9th St. Saloon: A local dive bar (which we love) with a friendly atmosphere and a good place to get a strong cheap drink! Definitely a must if you like dive bars. We then decided on ...
Industry Bar: Name fits the decor. It's like the perfect bar to spend your night at. Tables and seating area...decent-sized dance floor...a large accessible bar and to the left, for all you white girl wasted gays and clicky cunt's, there's a bunch of couches and nooks where you can pass out or maintain your imaginary superiority amongst you and your friends....Now if you're wondering who Walter is (Insert cynical laugh here) He. Happened. Next. lol
Side Note: There's a ramen place on 52nd and 9th St. that we walked by full of Asians at 12am. anyone know if it's any good?
It was late and we wanted one last raunchy bar to end our night. We are in NYC, why not? Right! A former DCtonian, I met suggested The Cock ....Now the name implied it all, lol, but Jason was weary since he had never been to such a bar. So we Uber'd over since, Fuck no, I wasn't walking to East Village after those 36 blocks of "I wanna see the city babe" I had to put up with...but that's love, right?
When we walked into the...bar, we were met with a rather large but sweet British woman, a long time friend of the gays, you could tell with this one. Her only warning was "keep all your belongings in your front pockets if you decide to go downstairs". We looked at each other and laughed as we pushed past the black velvet curtains. We darted straight to the bar to buy our drinks and scurried down to the black wonderland.
The basement area was rather small but maneuverable. It was dark, humid, and I think we both found the definition of hedonism in that instance. As we were met with melding bodies gyrating to techno music on the dance floor where there was an absence of practically any light, we had made our way through the pit of thirst. It was real....lol. I stood under Jason's arm and we watched the "activities" that were being engaged in before us.
When out of absolutely nowhere this big ole' latin queen with bleached hair pressed through the bodies. Literally out of the darkness, like an elephant in Jumanji, she got up right in Jason's face! And in the most valley girl voice... the bitch proceeds with...
"Do you like my hair? I just bleached it"
Jason meeting my equally look of WTF face just
I broke the painfully long two seconds of silence...
"I think it would look better if you let the roots grow out a bit."
Walter looks me dead in the face and dramatically flips his pseudo angelic hair and looks back over to Jason, completely ignoring my existence. Now it's a bar in NYC at 2 am I'm not easily offended so I just stood there observing like a calculating bitch.
Jason, looking in my direction says, "I think he said something to you."
Walter again looks me dead in the face...
"I said I think you should let your roots grow out."
Pops his neck..."excuse me Whaaaaat"
Over exaggerating his movements, he removes his round black frames and places them back on his face and repeats himself
"Excuse me whaaaaaat"
At this point, I realized this bitch was thirsty for my man and was playing the sorority drunk girl who hits on everyone's boyfriend until she finds some sort of validation. Except Walter was in his 40's, overweight, wearing all white, with apparently recently bleached hair. Looking like Mr. Clean's bastard child after he banged out the Mexican cleaning lady.
I rolled my eyes and he directs his attention back to Jason continuing his mindless wanna be cute skinny bitch babble. Then the bitch gets brave....
"Oh is..thiiiis.... your boyfriend or something?" Breaking his wrist as he motioned in my direction.
It was in that moment that my patience crossed into the "IMA JUMP ACROSS THIS IMAGINARY TABLE AND JUST CUT THIS BITCH" mode.
I threw both arms in the air breaking out of Jason's hold and in my deepest and loudest military oh shit he's mad voice I sternly yelled out.
"IM OVER THIS CONVERSATION...I'M DONE!"
Even with the blaring music all eyes darted my way as I broke between WAAAAAALLLTER's gut and Jason. Pulling on his index finger as I walked away screaming at Jason in my head "You better NOT even think about not following behind me!"
The bitch just stood there stunned looking for breadcrumbs....
We made it back to the bar and could not help but laugh afterwards. We were in disbelief of the absurdity of the situation...like who would ever..I mean really ...who doeeeesss that and thinks it is
2) Thinks they will ever get a man that way.
The rest of the night was fun and we met a some really fun people (Shout out to Ed the play writer!)
Now ...Walter is our running joke and we scurry away every time we "See" him. lol